thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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