if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
