Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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