Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
