Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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