when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
