the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
