I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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