I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
