my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
