Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
