I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
