Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
