Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
