he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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