Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
