I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
