She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
