Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
