If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How naked do you want me to be?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
