Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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