I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
