Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
