I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
