i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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