I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
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