Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
