i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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