We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
