non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
