Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
