New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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