I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
