I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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