Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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