I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
