I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
