i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
