Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
