Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
