And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
honey bunches of taint.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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