One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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