if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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