we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
