I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
