Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
