You just made me feel so damn special
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
