on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i think im in europe. pls send help
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
