He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
