hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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