I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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