Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
