I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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