glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
