So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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