so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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