Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
