So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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