so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
