Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
