listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
