driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
