He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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