Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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